dealing with negativity and all its guises
As sure as there is night and day, we all find there are times when we feel lower than at others.
It can depend on several factors, including the weather, and often we are not even aware of what is causing a shift in our mood. It could be a conversation that’s not gone as well as you thought, an unexpected bill has just popped through the letterbox, or you find yourself daydreaming and suddenly down that dark cul-de-sac of comparing yourselves to others (for the record it’s never a good idea to do that because it is always an impractical benchmark).
So how do we deal with these negative moments, that can rear their heads unexpectedly at any time and come from a number of different sources?
Firstly accept that it’s normal to feel negative and don’t feel afraid to own it. We all believe that we should be on top of our game, and know what we want from life, how to get it, and where to get it from…which is impossible to sustain 24 hours a day, 52 weeks a year. If you understand that everyone experiences negativity you will find it easier to talk about with others you trust, without judgement so that you share and express a feeling that could otherwise rapidly become a bucket of misery if not acknowledged.
Next, be aware of why you are feeling negative. Look at whether it’s a regular occurrence, it’s come from a situation you could not control or if it is due to someone’s behaviour or mood that has nothing to do with you. I’ve witnessed strangers shouting at other strangers in the street and it’s alarming because we can’t possibly understand what happened for them to escalate to that point. Often, it’s frustration, but nine times out of ten it’s not really anything to do with the person being yelled at, their actions (whatever they may have been) were just the final straw. So, when you feel negative, take a moment to clear your mind and spend your energy focusing on how to get out of that feeling. Look at ways of seeing the good in a situation, charge in with a positive mindset and be bold in taking control of your emotions. Only you can control your moods.
It may sound obvious but happiness and positivity can’t help but radiate joy to others so get out and surround yourself with upbeat people and situations. When you are feeling down, gravitate towards those whose glasses are always half full. Additionally try a hobby or activity that puts a smile on your face, whether it be reading, running, cooking, dancing or watching sports. It will take your mind off dark thoughts and should uplift your mood almost immediately.
However positive a person you normally are, it can be exhausting to constantly have to fight your corner or put a happy spin on a situation when talking to a naysayer. So, try to spend as little time as you can with negative people or engage in activities that you do not enjoy.
It’s not easy of course, particularly if you have a family that requires your presence for certain obligations that you do not want to be part of. However, remember that nothing lasts forever and try to reward yourself afterwards so that you have something to look forward to. If you know that you are constantly working with people who are negative take the time to tell them tactfully that you’re finding it hard to be in that kind of environment and be productive. Your mental health is important for you, your loved ones and your colleagues so you need to nip their waves of negativity in the bud.
Whether you believe in meditation and spirituality or not don’t forget that your body needs downtime whether it be a good amount of sleep or relaxing by switching off mentally. That could be sitting and doing absolutely nothing for a few minutes, reading an uplifting article, or eating healthy food that’s going to give your brain and body a boost. Looking after yourself is not a luxury but an absolute necessity to deal with all that life throws at you. Taking time out from the rush and panic of everyday life will relax you. This means that you will be more able to cope with a negative situation with rationale and perspective that’s unavailable if you feel you are constantly lurching from one fast-paced action to the next.
Finally, as impossible as it may seem, do not engage in negative behaviour offloaded onto you by others. This means resisting the urge to retaliate with your own feelings of frustration or anger. Whilst this may be satisfying in the short term, your mind will dwell and repeat over and over what was said like some dreadful B-Horror movie. Guaranteed if you smile and walk away you will reward yourself mentally for not engaging, you won’t have any words of regret and it will mentally wipe the slate clean. If you don’t react, the situation cannot escalate because you are not engaging which is a sign of strength not weakness. Also, if you have negativity to deal with on social media, text messages or emails then sit on it for 24 hours before replying. The next day will seem clearer than firing off a response in the heat of the moment.
Overall, dealing with negativity at all levels can be incredibly difficult but once you accept that it’s part of life and that it will move on at some point it should become easier. If it doesn’t though, don’t hold back in finding a trusted person to speak to about it who should be able to talk it through and come back with some ideas as to how you can tackle things step by step and leave those feelings of self-doubt behind
If you would like further information about the accredited coaching that I offer, and how you could be supported and coached in all aspects of your life then please get in touch here.