how to really listen…for great results
“Listening is a positive act: you have to put yourself out to do it.” David Hockney
One of the best ways to do well in our jobs is to be in sync and harmony with colleagues. If we know what makes one another tick, and agree on what our goals and contributions are, then our working hours are naturally more productive, and we can leave each day feeling satisfied.
And yet the reality is that whilst we want to all be laughing through meetings, catching up over water coolers, and asking how our weekends were the pressure of deadlines, targets, or personality clashes can sometimes make the workplace fraught and we find that colleagues aren’t as easy to work with as originally thought.
This is where listening can be one of your biggest allies, it allows you to understand what your colleague is thinking and act on it but more importantly, if you listen (rather than just hearing what is being said) you will also pick up on significant elements that are not being said which will speak volumes about a situation that you are working with.
In life coaching we focus on several ways of listening to our clients and one of the most important of them is active listening which, although very easy in its concept, is a skill that can take time to develop but is definitely one that serves well at both home and work.
So what is active listening?
We have all been there, you’re in a meeting and a colleague is talking animatedly about a project they are passionate about and trying to get colleagues on board. People are nodding and looking interested by smiling but then there’s the furtive glance at a phone or doodling on a notepad. They are listening but they are not fully engaged.
When people are truly actively listening, they make eye contact, don’t interrupt the speaker’s flow, and will wait until whoever is talking has finished and confirm what they’ve said by repeating parts of it back. This action shows respect and understanding and whilst they may not agree with what is being said they have fully taken on board the points of view and opinions on a subject.
When managing people, carefully listening to what they say can also help highlight external events or situations that are having an impact on a colleague’s working day. You may not need to get involved, but it’s important to be aware so that you can take it into consideration.
Active listening also means that you will become attuned to a situation through the language that colleagues use (often without realising it) which will indicate what is important to them at work and what is not.
A few ways to improve your active listening techniques include:
Focus on the moment - make sure your attention is purely on the person you are with. You may be waiting for an important text or email but the minute you answer it – the spell is broken, and your colleague knows you’re not focused on what they are saying.
Be acutely aware of body language – often what is not said says everything. For example, if people look tense or angry during a part of the conversation it’s a bigger clue than what they are actually saying.
Let your colleague finish what they are saying – as tempting as it is to jump in and give your opinion, interrupting gives the message that you are more interested in what you are going to say and have not been listening.
Confirm what is being said when they have finished talking. If you repeat back a brief summary of what they’ve told you it confirms you listened but also makes it clear you both agreed what was said.
Take notes and also have eye contact when you can – from a psychological point of view this gives the message that you are listening and engaging and helps when repeating back points.
Active listening is a skill that colleagues at every level can benefit from using. For example, it can lead to really understanding what the directors are looking for by the nuances in their conversation, or a brilliant suggestion by an employee, said in passing over lunch, could help lead the company to greater success.
People appreciate being properly heard, so if you are an active listener, you will find that colleagues are more open to discussion and confident in giving ideas and suggestions which can only lead to increased trust, motivation and a better working week for everyone.
If you would like further information about the accredited coaching that I offer, how it could benefit you or your business, please get in touch here.