Easy ways to establish great rapport
There is nothing better, or more rewarding, than a great connection with someone.
Whether it be in the street, at work or at a friend’s party there is little more satisfying than when the conversation flows, and you both seem to understand and respect what the other is saying.
It could be talking with a colleague or client in the boardroom or bumping into a stranger and having a chat on a dog walk, wherever you are, just knowing that you are on the same page is a brilliant feeling that helps with relationships and does wonders for our own confidence and self-worth.
However, the reality is there are days that we don’t feel like engaging.
Perhaps we are busy or not feeling totally positive so rather than getting stuck into a conversation we just want to leave the pleasantries at home. However, by not engaging at all you are potentially missing out because rapport, even the briefest of conversations, unlocks trust, offers support and improves communication on all levels so here are some easy ways to establish it without really trying.
Firstly, if it’s the initial meeting, ask their name as soon as you can and repeat it back so that you give yourself a chance to remember it and you are sure you are pronouncing it correctly. If it is a name you are not familiar with, don’t be afraid to ask them to repeat the name again and even to spell it. This may sound over the top, but it shows the person you are speaking to that you care enough about what they are called to get it right.
The next area to focus on is how to build a connection. We all love to talk about ourselves but the quickest way to lose someone’s interest is to dominate the conversation without once asking the other person’s opinion on a subject.
Watch for cues when speaking to people – are they opening their mouths to interrupt, are they shifting from foot to foot or are they looking away? These are signs (often not very subtle) that you should probably give them a chance, there and then, to interject.
Once they are talking be sure to really hear what they are saying and not be thinking about what you will say next. Having eye contact and asking questions will make you more attentive and the person you are listening to will feel that you are giving genuine attention.
Then there’s ‘mirroring’, which is a great technique to establish rapport quickly. It is using simple body language such as nodding and using a similar tone of voice that will subconsciously send the message that you are on the same wavelength as the person you are talking to. Of course, try not to be too obvious about mirroring or it may come across as a tad weird and unnerving.
Do your best to find common ground quickly – it does not have to be anything that relates to work or the people who have introduced you but something that makes you both happy. It could be anything including music, a binge-worthy TV series, sport or food. It just gives you a foothold and step up onto the larger conversation and can always be a lead into the first question in your next get-together. Try to steer away from potential negative subjects, including people you’re not keen on or politics, as it could end with a downbeat tone and it’s always tricky to second guess how people really feel.
Be sure that you look interested – use open body language and a smile to give encouraging cues that you are giving your full attention. I’m sure we’ve all been to events where people have unsubtly looked over people’s shoulders to see who else there is to speak to. Try not to be that type of person because you’ll be remembered for all the wrong reasons. If you need the conversation to end, then practice how to close speaking to people in a way that does not sound like a rebuff.
If engaging in a conversation that requires some active feedback, do all you can to be sure it is as positive as possible. Resist getting too personal or spending hours relating back to a situation that was similar to one that you once found yourself in. People will switch off and do all they can to close the dialogue.
Finally, always remember to go into any situation that requires rapport with a relaxed frame of mind and just be yourself.
If you don’t have common ground then be honest that you aren’t knowledgeable about the subjects they enjoy but take the opportunity to let them explain why they find them so fascinating. They will be thrilled to talk about it and you never know, the subjects they love may end up being of great interest to you after all.
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